Sorrow
by Bookkbaby
Summary: Complete. SasuNaru, hinted various others. Naruto is depressed and cuts himself, and attempts suicide after leaving a note for his loved one to find. Will Sasuke manage to save him in time? Attempted suicide, no main character death, SHOUNENAI, happy sapp
1. Cut

I don't own. You don't sure. Disclaimer done.

A small blond boy lay on his bed, his newly recieved forehead protector in his hand. He held it limply. Until this day, it had been what he had strived for. That was before he had known the truth about himself.

He had had dreams of becoming a powerful and loved ninja- perhaps even Hokage- but those had shattered when he had found out who he was. What he was.

A single tear rolled down whisker-marked cheeks. He had been allowed to graduate to genin, but would he be allowed to advance any farther? Did he even deserve it?

'I don't deserve this at all.' the boy thought. 'The one person that has taken care of me- Iruka-sensei- he is an orphan because of me. He still let me pass.' He hurt. He hurt so bad that he didn't think it was possible. Iruka-sensei was like his father, but it was Naruto's fault that Iruka-sensei had grown up all alone. He didn't deserve the man's kindness, just like he didn't deserve the forehead protector.

'Now it all makes sense.' he thought, a few more tears escaping his baby-blue eyes. 'It makes sense why everyone hates me. Why they all glare at me. Why I'm...' He whispered the last word alone, into the silence of his shabby apartment.

"Alone."

The boy shivered, as if scared by the mental echoes of that word. He curled up into a smaller ball, dropping the forehead protector on the floor. It banged loudly, then all was silent again, except for a few soft sobs from the boy on the bed.

'It's my fault for being what I am. I'm not good-looking like Sasuke or smart like Sakura. I'm a loud-mouthed idiot with no special talent- I'm not special at all, except for the fact that I house Kyuubi. My difference only makes me hated.' The boy sniffed, trying to stop his tears.  
'Maybe if I smile then everyone will like me more- maybe they'll smile back. I shouldn't annoy them with stupid things like my problems. Everyone should be happy. It's my fault- I took everyone's happiness away. I have to make it up to them. I'll help them.' the boy thought, getting a small measure of comfort from the idea that he could help people. They'd have to like him if he smiled all the time and if he helped out when he could. Right?

Right?

The doorbell rang.

"Naruto!" Iruka-sensei's voice called. The boy sat up, quickly tying his forehead protector on his forehead. He quickly walked to the bathroom, checking in the mirror to see how red his eyes were.

Very red- not good. He splashed some cold water on his face, rubbing his eyes. He looked in the mirror again as another knock came at the door.

"Naruto!"

"I'm coming!" Naruto said, looking in the mirror again. His eyes were passable- Iruka-sensei shouldn't notice. He quickly smiled wide.

'I can't let him see- he'll feel bad and ask me what's wrong. It's my fault.' Naruto thought, opening the door and widely grinning at his sensei. Iruka smiled back.

"Do you want to go out for Ramen? My treat for passing the exam." Iruka offered.

"Yes! Ramen! I want miso!" Naruto said, grinning as wide as he could. Iruka laughed a bit as his student's over-eagerness, not sensing anything wrong.

"Let's go then." he said. Naruto locked the door behind himself- still smiling- and went with Iruka, chatting animatedly about how he was going to be the best ninja that Konoha has ever had, and how he'll be Hokage one day.

'I can't let him see me frown. It's my fault.'

'My fault.'

First Day of Training: The Bell Test

Naruto watched from his position in the tree- well, hanging upside down on a rope hung from the tree- as Sasuke fought and almost succeeded in getting the bell from their new sensei- Kakashi.

'Why can't I do that?' he thought, feeling envious as Sasuke's hands went directly towards the bell. Kakashi-sensei dodged, of course, but Sasuke had been so close!

'Why aren't I as good as he is? I should be. I can do it- I just have to practice more. Yeah, that's it. I can't help anyone like this. Stupid dobe.' Naruto set to freeing himself, but as soon as he was free another rope trap caught him. Out loud he swore, but mentally he sighed.

'Sasuke wouldn't have fallen for something like this. Sakura wouldn't have either. No one but me would have.' Naruto's eyes softened at the thought with sadness, but he couldn't let them see. He forced a smile back on his face.

'I can't let them see!'

Later That Day

Naruto shut the door to his shabby apartment. He had been a burden again. Sasuke and Sakura had offered their lunches to him. They shouldn't have done that- Kakashi-sensei might have failed them, and then all three of them would be right back at the academy. It would have been so much better to have let him go hungry- one missed meal wouldn't hurt him! Better that he had failed alone so they could go on- he had been at the academy a few times, once more might help him improve!

'I have to improve! I should practice.' Naruto thought. 'With who? I want... I want to practice with someone. I don't want to have to do this by myself.' He quickly ran through his options.  
'Iruka-sensei? No, I've bothered him for the past three years. No, he should get some free time from me. Kakashi-sensei I shouldn't bother- he's a jonin, he's strong! He has other things he can do, rather than take care of me. Sakura-chan has friends...' Naruto's eyes softened as he realized how big the differences were between them. Sakura-chan would never love him. But... as much as he wanted it, she deserved someone better- someone that had a family, or someone with something to offer...

Like Sasuke.

'Sasuke has everything- the whole village loves him. He has friends, he has a proper house, not some shabby shack.' Naruto felt like crying as he realized that the differences between him and the dark-haired Uchiha were even greater than the differences between him and Sakura.

'Sasuke would never even notice me. He's way too far beyond my league and has tons of people that want him already. He doesn't need one more.' Naruto had known about his feelings for Sasuke since before he and Sasuke had both been on Team 7. However, if Sakura- a girl that he liked, but not in the same way he liked Sasuke- was out of his league, than he couldn't even hope to ever get Sasuke to like him back. It was easier and a bit more acceptable to pretend that he liked Sakura, so he pretended to love her, to want her as his girlfriend even though his heart said otherwise.

'They... don't need me. They can live normally.' Naruto tore himself away from his thoughts, feeling the hot sting of tears in his eyes as he thought of all the ways that he and Sasuke were different. All the reasons they would never be together. Why Naruto could never expect someone to like him.

Naruto went through the cupboard. No Ramen- he was out and he was broke. It would be another week before he got any money.

Searching hard as his stomach growled, he found some stale bread and a bit of meat. Hungrily, he took out a kunai and cut through the bread as he held it in his hand.

"Itai!" he yelped as the kunai went a bit too far, slicing deep into his finger. He hissed, dropping the food on the floor as well as the kunai, standing up. Instead of letting himself bleed all over the floor, he stuck his finger into his mouth, licking the wound clean. It healed quickly after, thanks to Kyuubi.

'That cleared my head.' Naruto realized, slowly taking his finger out of his mouth. It had almost felt good when he sliced his finger- he didn't feel awful now! The pain in his finger had stopped him from thinking. It had temporarily distracted him, taking away some of the mental anguish.

Shakily, he knelt next to the kunai again, picking it up in his good hand. He slowly rolled up his other arm's sleeve, carefully manuvering the sharp edge of the blade so that it didn't slice through his flesh- others might see if it was so low. Slowly, he lowered the sharp edge of the kunai until it kissed his skin, not cutting yet. He drew it across his flesh, drawing blood for about three inches on his lower bicep. He almost hissed, but bit his lip to stop the instinctive reaction.

He finished by flicking the kunai quickly with his wrist, expanding the cut another inch. This time, he let himself hiss, closing his eyes as the pain filled his senses.

Mind-numbingly white-hot pain. It felt sweet. He shuddered, dropping the kunai. It clattered to the floor, a few drops of blood still on it, but Naruto ignored it. He kept the pain of the cut in the forefront of his mind, not letting anything else come in.

All too soon, it was over. Kyuubi's chakra had healed the shallow cut. Naruto grimacedin annoyance, but the pain in his heart had lessened. He wasn't hungry anymore- he put the stale bread back as well as the meat. Lastly, he picked up the kunai, rolling his sleeve down. He noticed the few drops of crimson red still clinging to the blade. He hesitantly licked it off.  
His blood tasted coppery, and other flavors mixed to give it a very metallic feel. His stomach recoiled, but he didn't notice. If he had, he would not have cared.

"Thank you." he whispered to the inanimate metal, wiping the kunai off to dry it before placing it with the rest of his kunai. He stood and headed out his door, locking it behind him.  
He had to train, to get better than Sasuke and be of use to the village. It was his fault that most of the shinobi there had died- he would make sure that he managed to replace each and every one in terms of usefullness, even if he died doing so.

The Next Day

"Oi, Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled, seemingly happier than usual, strolling to their meeting place late. Sakura looked at him, a flat look on her face. She was obviously not amused.

"What, Naruto?"

"Want to go out with me-"

"NO! I am waiting for Sasuke-kun." Sakura said, turning all doe-eyed as she looked at Sasuke. The boy just snorted lightly before looking away.  
Their sensei's sudden arrival- only thirty minutes late!- interrupted the conversation.

"Yo! An old lady needed help with the wash-"

"LIAR!" Naruto and Sakura yelled, pointing accusing fingers at Kakashi. Kakashi just shrugged.

"Our mission is to find a cat and return it to its owner- D-class. The forest it disappeared in is this way." Kakashi started leading them in the direction, while Naruto whooped loudly and followed. He walked alongside Kakashi-sensei, seemingly in a hurry to do the mission.

"You're in an awfully good mood today Naruto." Kakashi remarked, staring at Naruto with his normal eye. Naruto smiled hugely at Kakashi.

"I am!"

"Any reason?" Kakashi may have noticed Naruto's hand creep up to his lower bicep, but if he did, he made no comment.

"Nope. None."

A/N: Good? Bad? OOC? Well, this was my 2nd Naruto fanfic, and I just can't bring myself to change it. 


	2. Note

Years Later

"Another successful mission from Team Seven." Tsuande said, smiling at the teams of jonin that had requested to stay together after they got promoted. She looked worriedly at the tall blond man, who was sporting a large bandage on his arm.

'That must have been deep to still be there- a full day after the fight.' Tsuande thought.

"Did you need stitches?" she asked, motioning to Naruto's arm. He looked at it, then back at her.

"Uh, this? Nope- just a bit of a cut, Tsuande-baba!" A vein stood out on her forehead from her nickname, but she tried to ignore it.

"It wasn't deep?" Naruto shook his head rapidly, his trademark grin on his face.

"Do you have any more missions for us?" Sasuke asked, bored already. Tsuande shook her head.

"None more ready. Maybe tomorrow." she said. Naruto looked at her, breaking into an even wider grin.

"So we're helping a lot? Is there anything else I can do for you? Anything I can help with?" Naruto asked. Tsuande looked at him strangely.

"Why all the offers to help, Naruto? I thought you'd want the day off-"

"Naw, shouldn't spend too much time being idle." Naruto interrupted. Tsuande gave him another strange look as well as his teammates, but he ignored it. Tsuande started shuffling through papers, coming up with a mission that would take a bit of time, but had to be done.

"I have a D-class mission that I was going to assign to one of the news genin teams, but if you want it, tak-"

"I'll do it. What is it?" Naruto asked. Tsuande frowned.

"Just a moment- hold your horses! You just have to clean up training field D and the nearby park. It's gotten overrun with litter."

"Thanks." Naruto said. "I'll go do that now." He turned and left. Tsuande watched his retreating back, concerned.

"That was... odd." she said. Kakashi nodded- he had stayed with his team at their request.

"Naruto's been like that for a while now- he seems obsessed with helping out. I didn't know that he could be so nice and caring!" Sakura said. Tsuande still watched his retreating back.

'I don't know... something's been a little off about him lately.' Tsuande thought. 'He seems a bit too eager to help, too willing to please.' She shrugged it off.

'It's probably nothing.'

"Go enjoy your day off." she said, smiling at the three remaining in the room. They left.

One Hour Later

Naruto whistled as he picked up the trash.

'Tsuande may have started wondering why it didn't heal...' he thought, glancing at his wounded arm. He knew why. He was finally healing a bit more like a normal person, not at a superfast speed. Now it took him a day or two to heal what took a regular person a week. That could mean only one thing.

Kyuubi's chakra was getting exhausted with all the cuts he recieved- self-inflicted and not. He had noticed lately that the cuts he made with his kunai were leaving scars, not just healing smooth.

He paused in his cleaning for a moment, just looking around the field and park.

"So peaceful..." he whispered. He drank the scene in- it may very well be the last time he saw this park. He had been thinking about just killing himself. He was so tired... so tired...

No matter how much he did, no matter how much he hated doing the odd jobs and not just being lazy, he still offered with a smile on his face. He couldn't slack off- this was his atonement. He would do the jobs because he had to- he had to help. It mattered little what he felt.

'And what kind of a selfish bastard am I anyway, to just refuse to help and be lazy all day just because? It's my fault that kids grew up without parents. It's my fault that Konoha lost the Fourth. It's my fault that almost a whole generation of ninja were lost. This is the least I can do.' When Naruto thought about it, he intellectually knew that nothing was his fault. That didn't stop the guilt. That didn't stop the hate. That didn't stop the cutting. Lately, the cuts he made were the only things that made him feel human. He didn't feel emotions much anymore- except for sorrow and regret and longing. Sorrow for the things he had done, and for the last life he had ruined- his own. Regret for all the things he could never change, could never say. Longing for all the things he wanted but was unworthy of and could never have. Needless to say, this last category was the longest.

"Ne, Kyuubi..." Naruto said, glancing down at his stomach. "Do you think we've repaid this village enough? Do you think that we should leave them alone now? They've dealt with us enough, don't you think?"

The seal didn't answer. Naruto sighed and looked up to the setting sun.

"I do."

Sasuke carefully watched the golden-haired man cheerfully pick up trash. Something about his obviously cheerful personality had always bothered Sasuke, but now something was just... off about the blond.

'What is your secret, Naruto?' Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes. Naruto suddenly stretched, yawning as he watched the sun go down.

"That's the last of it. Time to go home." Naruto said aloud, a laugh in his voice. Sasuke blinked. He had thought that he had heard a trace of bitterness in the blond's voice, almost like he was mocking his own sentence. Of course, Sasuke had to be wrong- Naruto was never bitter.

Sasuke sighed and decided to go to his house as well. Nothing would be gained by staying and watching the blond. He would simply have to confront him later.

That Night

Naruto stole out of his apartment, a note clutched in his hand. He had to deliver it before he lost his nerve to give it to Sasuke. It wouldn't do to have someone else find his body, read the note, and figure out his feelings!

He stopped right in front of the Uchiha Manor. In all his years of knowing Sasuke, he had never set foot in the manor. All he knew was that Sasuke lived alone. Letting out a puff of air, he leapt over the gate, expertly avoiding the traps that had been set for intruders.

Cautiously, he peeked into each window of the house, trying to locate Sasuke. He got lucky- on his fifth try, he found his childhood rival and longtime love sleeping on a large futon on the floor. Stealthily, he opened the window. It made no noise and slid up easily. Naruto dropped to the floor, making less noise than a cat. He knelt next to the sleeping male, admiring his face for one last time.

"I guess this is goodbye. You're slipping, Sasuke. I got in here way too easily. I... I just wanted you to have this." He put the note down on the floor, propped up so that Sasuke would see it when he awoke a few hours from now.

"I... I'll miss you." Naruto glanced out the window. Still black as midnight, but from the position of the moon he knew it had to be near two o'clock in the morning.  
It was time.

"I have to go. Goodbye, Sasuke-koi." Naruto said, loving the way Sasuke's new nickname rolled off his tongue for the first and last time. He bent down over the other man, pressing his lips gentley to his. As soon as it began, it ended.

"I'm sorry." Naruto whispered, leaving the house. He paused at the window for one last look, but his eyes grew wide with terror as he saw Sasuke stirring, then open his eyes. He bolted.

Sasuke awoke slowly- for him, that is. He sat up lethargically, putting one hand to his lips.

"Was that a... a dream?" he wondered aloud. He had just dreamt that Naruto had kissed him... was it true?

Sasuke shook his head. It was just a dream. He was about to go back to sleep when something white caught his eye. He turned his head to see it more fully.

It was a note, addressed to him. He instantly recognized the chicken scratch handwriting as Naruto's. Something told him that this was urgent. He had learned to trust his gut instinct. He opened the letter, quickly reading. His eyes grew wide and he started to shake.

'Dear Sasuke-  
Should I have said Sasuke-teme? It doesn't matter, nevermind. I had to write to you, just so that you would know why. Sakura-chan wouldn't have said anything- she'd probably just cry a bit, just for show. I'm just the annoying loudmouth to her. Kakashi-sensei would be too busy comforting Iruka-sensei and probably forget. Iruka-sensei might just ignore it as some sort of joke. Tsuande-baba has better things to do.

And... you meant the most to me. It sounds stupid, but I've decided to give up lying. Maybe it will earn me a few brownie points when my soul is judged, ne?

I know that you think I'm stupid and annoying and that you probably hate me or don't have time for love with the whole 'avenger' thing, but I love you. I never planned on telling you, but I had to tell you sometime- what better time than now? I mean, it's not like I'm gonna see you tomorrow or anything. Spit on my grave if you like- won't be worse than what some others are gonna be doing.

Ya'see, I think it's time you knew that I house Kyuubi. That's why people are gonna be throwing weeds on my cardboard coffin while a priest damns my soul to hell, in case you're wondering. They shouldn't bother with the preist. I've been living in hell for my whole life, but now's not the time to dredge up a dirty past, eh?

Sorry for the ranting, and I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you, including stealing your first kiss and second (I kissed you when I dropped this off- no one was with me, no one saw I swear!) I didn't mind but I'm sure you did.

Tell everyone I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to them. I can't list all the things I'm sorry for- I don't have enough money for more paper and this is my last sheet. I really am sorry though.

If you want any of my crap you can have it. I don't need it anymore. By the time you wake up and read this I'll probably already have died. Don't bother rushing over, I'll be gone.

Sayonara and aisiteru forever

Naruto'

Sasuke dropped the note, feeling numb.

'He... he's going to kill himself... does he honestly think no one cares!' He leapt to his feet, a new determination taking root.

He would not let Naruto die.

He grabbed his cloak, not bothering to change into real clothes and ran for Naruto's apartment, letting his door stay open behind him. Time was short, and Naruto's life hung in the balance.

'Damn you! It may be selfish but you are not going to die after what you just admitted to me!' Sasuke thought, speeding up.

A/N: Again, sorry for any OOC-ness. 


	3. Attempt

Naruto closed the door behind him, breathing hard. Sasuke had given him such a scare!

'At least I got that last kiss...' Naruto thought. He smiled. He had no regrets. He had kissed Sasuke again. He had eaten the best and most expensive Ramen at the Ichiraku. He had said goodbye to everyone, even if not to their faces. He was ready.

He took one last look around his shabby apartment before walking into his bedroom.

"Goodbye... Sasuke." he whispered, holding the image of the sleeping man in his mind. It was the only thing he wanted to see now. He drew out a kunai, holding it tight as he savagely stabbed it into his own stomach. He choked, but it was only from surprise- the feeling was far more liberating than he had expected. He pulled it out of his stomach, stabbing it in again. Again. Again. Soon, his whole front was covered in blood.

'So... slow...' he thought, nearly crying at the agony he felt and at the perverse joy it brought him. He weakly raised the kunai again, slashing his wrist. Blood gushed forth as he fell to his knees, falling into the rapidly growing puddle of blood beneath him. He felt it soak into his pants as he transferred the kunai to his other hand, slashing open the other wrist. He sucked in a deep breath, but a strange gargling sound prevented him from a truly deep breath.  
He lifted the kunai again, not hearing the frantic pounding on the door, then the loud crack as it was broken down.

He did hear his name though. It sounded so far away.

"Naruto!" He tried to move his lips, but they felt sliggish.

"Naruto!" He saw Sasuke's face appear before him in the doorway to his room. His eyes opened wide, but it was so hard to open them. He fell back, dropping the kunai. Before he hit the ground, Sasuke caught him.

"Sa...suke?" he said, blood gargling in his lungs and giving his voice a strange, watery quality. "Why..."

"Don't talk. You idiot..." Sasuke said, though his words held no bite as he quickly ripped his cloak into strips. Naruto smiled.

"I'm... fine..." Sasuke glared at him.

"No you're not." He forcefully grabbed Naruto's arm, quickly wrapping a bandage tightly around it. Naruto struggled to pull his arm away, but his feeble attempts were nothing to Sasuke.

"Let me... go. Don't want... no more." Naruto mumbled, trying to pull himself away. Everything was so dark though. So dark...

"Naruto? Naruto!" Sasuke's voice was so far away. Faintly, he felt Sasuke frantically wrap his other arm, then try to wrap his stomach.

'Too late...' Naruto thought, smiling and feeling truly happy. 'I'm almost there. Just a few more minutes...'

Sasuke frantically bandaged Naruto's stomach with the remains of his cloak. Naruto's face was chalk-white from lack of blood, and Sasuke's was about the same shade from shock.

Naruto's stomach had been completely mutilated- he had stabbed himself so many times it was hard to tell what was flesh and what was organ. He quickly wrapped it up then grabbed the dying- perhaps already dead- man and ran.

"Damnit, you are not going to die on me! You hear me?" he spoke to the limp body in his arms. He ran straight for the Hokage's office- Tsuande often stayed until dawn, just working. He had to hope that she would be there.

He ran like a man possessed, not slowing down. He did not know that he could physically reach that speed, but he somehow managed it. He burst into the Hokage Tower, running straight to the office. The guards almost tried to stop him, saying that Tsuande was in a meeting with some nobles, but Sasuke ran right inside.

"Hokage-sama!" he yelled, bursting in the doors. Tsuande looked up, annoyed.

"What is so importa-"

"It's Naruto! Please, help him." Sasuke begged. Tsuande glanced down at the blond man in his arms, her face going white.

"Put him down on my desk. Does he still have a pulse? You-" she pointed at the two Anbu guards in the room. "Get my assistants. Now." They disappeared.

"Hokage-sama-" one man began, obviously upset about the inetrruption of their meeting. Tsuande glared at him.

"We'll continue later. Out!" She shooed them out, coming over to Naruto when that was said.

"No pulse." she said. "Damnit." She began channeling her chakra, commencing CPR and trying to restart his heart.

"What happened?" A medical nin came in at a run. "The Anbu said it was an emergency and I was the only one-" Her gaze fell on Naruto, and suddenly the aide sighed.

"I thought it was something important. I'm not wasting my chakra on Kyuubi's vessal." Tsuande looked up at the aide, an order written on her face and a glare in her eyes, but Sasuke got there first. He appeared right in front of the nin so quickly it didn't seem humanly possible. He grabbed the front of the nins shirt and growled right in the scared woman's face.

"Naruto is hurt and he could die. I don't give a shit about him being Kyuubi's vessal- and you WILL help him. Got it?" Something in Sasuke's gaze convinced her, and she began nodding rapidly.

"Yes.. yes of course-!" He dropped her and she went to work. Sasuke went back to Naruto's side, making sure he wasn't in the way of Tsuande or her aide, and grabbed his hand.

'Come on Naruto- you can't die like this!' He thought. A few tears escaped the Uchiha's eyes for the first time in years as he saw the efforts of the medical nin failing. A few drops fell onto Naruto's hand.

"You can't die... not yet." Sasuke whispered. "You can't go and just leave me alone again."

Naruto watched the scene unfold from somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind.

'Sasuke? Crying? Over me?' he thought. If that was surprising, then his next words shocked Naruto to the core.

"You can't die... not yet. You can't go and just leave me alone again." Naruto's eyes flew open, even as he heard Tsuande and the medic aide talking.

"We're losing him! Come on Naruto, fight back! Come on back to us!"

'What?' he thought, pressing himself to the screen he was watching this on. Was Tsuande-baba crying?

It is time. a ghostly voice spoke in his ear. He jumped, then turned. Standing behidn himn was a shadowy figure, swathed in black and carrying a scythe.

"What? Not yet... not already."

It is time! the figure insisted, holding out a skeletal hand to Naruto. You have given up and you have to be across Styx. If you stay you will never truly rest. Your body has only a minute to live, and you have not the will to get it back. It motioned impatiently. Come. Naruto turned to look again at the screen. It showed a close up of Sasuke's face, eyes streaming tears.

"He's not dead yet. He's not dead!" Sasuke was saying, clutching Naruto's hand.

"He's gone. His vital signs are flatlining. He doesn't have the will to live anymore. He wanted to go." Naruto heard a loud sniffle. "He's gone and he's left us all behind."

Come. Naruto looked at the ugly specter of death again.

"Could I return to my body? I want..." Naruto said, suddenly indesicive.

You have a minute to live. There is little to no chance of survival and your soul will be damned straight to hell- no trial is given to those who fail to return to life.

"I have a chance, though, don't I?"

...Yes.

"Send me back. If I die, I'll go straight to hell, no complaints." A brillient flash of light blinded him, then he was gone.

The first sensation Naruto had was of pain. Pain... and someone holding his hand.

Sixty seconds.

"We have his vitals back up! He coming back!" he heard Tsuande say excitedly. "Stabalize him."

Fifty seconds.

Naruto drifted back and forth between the black tunnel in his mind and the thin rope of life. He tried to cling to life, but the more he tried the more it would slip. More often than not, he found himself being sucked into the darkness.

Forty seconds.

"Damnit! We're losing him again! Get him stable!" Tsuande shouted. "Fight Naruto, fight it"  
Breathing was a chore. It hurt so much... his wrists were on fire. He just wanted to relax and fall into oblivian...

Thirty seconds.

The sensation of lips on his, drawing out the blood choking him and forcing him to breathe brought him closer to life. He tried to cough and breathe on his own, but it was like his muscles were on strike and they didn't know what to do.

Twenty seconds.

"He's flatlining again! Use more chakra around his heart as you press down!"

Ten seconds.

Naruto felt helpless. He didn't have the strength to face death.

He was going to die.

Nine.

Sasuke... His face swam in front of Naruto's vision for a second.

Eight.

Memories flashed in Naruto's mind. Sasuke, being all high-and-mighty. Sasuke, saving his life and nearly dying. Sasuke, fighting with him so that Sasuke could leave for Orochimaru. Sasuke, coming back with him. Sasuke, sleeping.

Seven.

"He's not coming back!"

Six.

I'm going to die. I...

Five.

I...

Four.

I'm going to miss everyone. I'm so sorry...

Three.

Sasuke...

Two.

Aishiteru.

One.

"Naruto!" Sasuke's voice called, so full of pain and anguish that all listening felt as if their heart had been torn out as well. The anguish and pain in his voice was so thick that it could have been cut with a knife. Anyone listening felt like crying, just from the mere power of that scream.

Zero. 


	4. React

Sasuke cried, not caring that someone could see, not caring that he was supposed to be the ice king Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto was gone.

Neither of the medical nins had said anything. he had to be dead. Sasuke let the tears flow freely, letting himself lay down on Naruto's chest. He was soaking the bandages, but who cared? Nothing mattered.

"Sasuke?" Tsuande asked. He didn't look at her.

"Go away." he said. She nodded, walking out of the room, shoulders slumped. The other nin did the same. It wasn't their place to interfere.

"Dobe..." Sasuke said thickly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. "Why did you have to go? Why did you say that no one cared? I care. I always have. I didn't know that you loved me until you wrote it in your note. I didn't know what you were going through." Sasuke swallowed again, feeling tears come to his eyes. He closed them.

"I didn't know. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know what my feelings for you were until..." Sasuke stopped suddenly, feeling a slight movement beneath him. A hand came up to weakly wipe the tears away from his eyes. He opened his eyes to reveal possibly the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Uzumaki Naruto's blue eyes, open and sparkling with life as the man weakly wiped away his tears.

"Naruto!" Sasuke exclaimed, sitting up. His tears stopped from shock. "Wha... how...?"

"Sasuke..." Naruto said softly, his voice so weak it was hard to hear. "Thank you... ai.. aishite..."

"Shh." Sasuke said, putting a finger to Naruto's lips. "I know. Rest. Get better."

"Will you... stay?" he asked. Sasuke nodded.

"Right here, right by you, koi."

Naruto smiled once before closing his eyes and going to sleep, needing to restore his energy and heal. Sasuke stayed right by his side, a small smile gracing his lips as his eyes filled up with tears of a different sort.

Naruto was alive! He smiled as he watched the sleeping blond.

"When you wake up, you have some explaining to do. I'll be right here." Sasuke said. He placed a gentle kiss on Naruto's lips before leaning back in his chair and falling asleep.

He never let go of Naruto's hand.

The Next Morning

Tsuande walked into her office, bags under hers eyes in addition to them being puffy.  
Naruto was dead. Why she didn't know. How was easy. Why was another matter.

The first thing she noticed was that Naruto was still on her desk. The second thing she noticed was that Sasuke was holding his hand with a small smile on his face. Tsuande sighed.

'I hate to wake him up to reality, but...' She put the stack of papers she was carrying down and walked over to Sasuke. She gentley shook him awake.

"Sasuke, it's time to wake up." He blinked and opened his eyes. He glanced at her, blinking again to focus his eyes.

"Hokage-sama..." he said, nodding his head in a slight bow. She smiled at him, eyes still a bit sad.

"Did you stay here all night?"

"He asked me to." Sasuke said, motioning towards Naruto. Tsuande's look saddened as she hugged Sasuke.

"He's gone. He couldn't have-"

"Who's gone?" A loud, obnoxious voice that she knew so well asked. She slowly turned around.  
There sat Uzumaki Naruto, looking confused. It was obvious from his posture that he was still favoring those wounds, but...

"Naruto?" She glanced at Sasuke, who just smirked. His face clearly said 'I told you so.' He didn't have to say a word.

"Yeah, Tsuande-baba?" She stood up and turned, hugging him close.

"I was so worried about you! Don't you ever DARE do that again, you brat!" Naruto's look softened from a brillient smile into an accepting, true smile, the first in years.

"Okay. I won't, Tsuande-baba." It was almost affectionate, not disrespectful, the way he used -baba this time.

Tsuande was crying again, and she knew it. She could feel the tears roll down her cheeks.

"Why did you do it, Naruto? Why didn't you come to me for help? Why didn't you ask someone?"

"I didn't want to be a burden... you already have too much to do, I hear you complaining about all the paperwork all the time-"

"That's different! If you ever have a problem again, you come and tell me, you hear? Stupid brat..." Naruto nodded, finally hugging back.

"Tsuande-sama, what happened to Naruto?" A hysterical, brown-hiared chuunin came in the door. "I can't find him anywhere and Kakashi said that neither he nor Uchiha Sasuke came in for practice-"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto said, pulling out of the hug. Iruka looked steamed.

"Naruto, what happened to you? What's with all those bandages?"

"Naruto almost died last night, Iruka." Tsuande said. Iruka could not have been more surprised if you had just run him over with a steamroller and then blew him up like a balloon.

"Died? How? Are you okay?" Iruka asked, walking right up to Naruto and generally fussing. Naruto looked down at the ground.

"It's my fault. I didn't want to bother anyone any-"

"You tried to kill yourself?" Iruka asked, shock evident in his voice. Naruto nodded mutely.

"Oh Naruto... why couldn't you talk to me about this?" Iruka asked him, hugging the man that was like a son to him close and smoothing his hair down, just like his mother had done to him when he was young and in need of comfort. Naruto hugged him back, crying into his chuunin vest.

"I didn't mean to make you worry. You have so much to worry about and you put up with me even though it's Kyuubi's fault that you're an orphan..." Iruka's eyes got wide as he glanced at Sasuke. Tsuande mouthed him the words 'He knows.' Iruka made a questioning face, but he turned back to the more important matter of Naruto.

"I'm never too busy to worry about you. You're like the son I never had, Naruto. You are my family. Just because you contain the Kyuubi doesn't mean that you are Kyuubi. It's okay to tell me about these things. Don't just hold it all inside, okay? It's okay..." Iruka said, trying to calm Naruto down. Naruto nodded, feeling more tears come to his eyes.

'They all love me. They care about me. They don't hate me...' A loud pop interrupted his thoughts. He glanced up.

Kakashi and Sakura had just teleported into the office.

"Yo." Kakashi said.

"Hokage-sama, do you know where Naruto is? Or Sasuke? We haven't seen either of them but there was this huge pool of blood at Naruto's house and Sasuke's door was open and I'm really worried-" Sakura started, but Tsuande held up a hand. Sakura quieted down instantly.

"Naruto's right here. He's okay." Iruka stepped aside to reveal Naruto, bandages and all. Naruto laughed nervously.

"You idiot! What happened to you and why is there all that blood in your house?" Sakura demanded, stomping right up to him. He shied away, laughing nervoualy again.

"Sorry to make you so mad Sakura- cha-"

"MAD? I'm not mad, I'm furious! You could have died, you could have been killed, anything could have happened and we had no clue what was going on!" Naruto looked at her in surprise.

"You were worried?"

"Yeah!" she said, like it was obvious. "You're my friend! Of COURSE I'm worried!"

"Don't do that again." Kakashi told him, in his own way telling Naruto how worried he had been. Kakashi took out his book as Naruto let a slow smile spread across his face.

"Thanks, guys..."

"Why did you try to kill yourself? You owe us an explaination." Sasuke said softly, coming up to Naruto's side. "You owe us that much at least." Naruto looked down, hearing Sakura's shocked gasp and a dull thunk as Kakashi's book fell to the floor.

"I... I..." he started, not sure what to say.

"Suicide? Naruto?" Sakura said, dazed.

"Very bad joke." Kakashi muttered, scratching the back of his head. "It's not funny- and it must be true."

"I didn't think anyone needed me. I was just in everyone's way. Kyuubi killed so many people and I felt like it was my fault, just like I thought it was my fault that there were so many orphans, or that everyone would like me if I smiled all the time. I thought that people would forgive me for existing if I smiled and helped out enough. I was just bothering everyone if I tried to talk about my problems. I was just a burden and I didn't want to be a burden. I was trying so hard to make sure that people didn't hate me..."

"You're not a burden!" Sakura protested, but then a confused look flittered across her face. "What did you mean... what about Kyuubi? Isn't he dead?" The adults in the room looked at each other, unsure of what to say.

"The adults back then used him as a human sacrifice to seal Kyuubi, then hated him for something he had no control over and never volunteered for." Sasuke said, sounding disgusted at the thought of those shallow people. "It's not his fault but they blame him for every single death that Kyuubi caused."

"That... that's..." Sakura seemed at a loss for words.

"Awful." Tsuande said softly. Sakura nodded. She walked slowly up and hugged Naruto close. He hugged back, stroking her hair.

"It's okay Sakura-chan. I'm used to it by now-"

"That doesn't excuse it. You should never have 'gotten used to it' because it should never have existed. We're the reason you tried to kill yourself. I should have known... should have done something..." Sakura started crying, thinking of how horrible everyone had been to Naruto, and how close they had all been to losing him.

"None of us knew." Iruka said. "We were lucky he was brought in on time to save his life."

"Yes. We were very lucky." Tsuande said. She glanced at Sasuke, turning a grateful smile on the Uchiha. "Thank you so much for bringing him in." Kakashi looked at Sasuke with interest, as did Sakura and Iruka.

"You brought him in? How did you find him?" he asked.

"He wrote me a note. He accidently woke me up as he was leaving, and I found it just as he left." Sasuke said. "Scared teh shit out of me when I read it too."

"I scared you?" Naruto asked. He smiled sheepishly, though the smile didn't reach his eyes. "Sumima-"

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for not realizing." Sasuke said. He walked up to Naruto as the blond let go of Sakura. Sasuke grabbed his hand, looking into his eyes. "I don't know if you remember what I said last night, so I'm going to say it again. I never realized what you meant to me until I read your note. I have never cried since my parents died, but I cried when I thought you were dead. I'm so sorry for not telling you this earlier- it would have saved me the heart attack." Sasuke said, smiling. He seemed to forget that there were other people in the room as he bent down to kiss Naruto. As their lips touched, he heard a light gasp of surprise from Sakura and Kakashi's book meet the floor again, but he didn't care. He pulled back reluctantly, seeing the shocked but joyful expression on Naruto's face.

"I love you too, and I'll kill you if you ever do that to me again." Sasuke said, hugging Naruto close. Naruto hugged him just as tightly. Over Naruto's shoulder, he saw Iruka's and Tsuande's shocked and surprised expressions. Frankly, he was surprised that Iruka hadn't passed out from the shock.

"Well... like father like son, wouldn't you say Iruka?" Kakashi said dryly. Iruka blushed- though it may have been a trick of the light- and muttered something about stupid jonins that couldn't keep secrets.

"Sa-Sasuke-kun...?" Sakura's voice asked. Sasuke didn't bother to face her, hearing the surprise in her voice.

"Yes?" he asked, not really caring what she thought of him now. Naruto was still hurting and would need their full support to recover. His reputation was not that important.

"Why... why did it have to be Naruto?" she asked, a surprisingly mature question for someone who had just found out that their crush for years liked another boy.

"I don't know. It just is." Sasuke said. Sakura nodded, though he couldn't see, he understood.

"Naruto, I want you to take a break. A good, long break." Tsuande said. "Spend your time how you want- at least until you recover. Please?" Naruto looked at her and shook his head.

"I should help out more."

"You've done more than enough. I've run out of missions for the time being, and you have to let that heal." Naruto looked down, almost as if ashamed.

"Well... the rent's due soon on my apartment and I don't have the money for that... besides, I still have to work. I have to help out just a bit more so-" He never got a chance to finish.

"Forget the apartment, stay over at my house." offered three people in the room simotaneously. Naruto glanced at Iruka, Sasuke, and Sakura in surprise.

"What?" he asked dumbly. "Wouldn't that be too much of a strain on you? I mean, to have to pick up after a freeloader every day-" Kakashi sighed.

"Well, let's decide this like adults now shall we? He can't stay over at Iruka's house, it would be inappropriate for him to stay with Sakura so he stays with Sasuke. See? No problems there." Kakashi smiled under his mask widely. "Besides, Sasuke's easily able to take a kunai or other sharp object from him again should he decide to be so stupid as to think that he's not needed." Kakashi winked lecherously at the two men. "Besides, I'm sure Sasuke won't have a problem proving to Naruto that he's needed-"

"That's enough, we get your point." Sakura said, glaring at the perverted jonin. She turned to Naruto with a smile. "I'll visit more often, but Kakashi's right. My parents won't like the fact that a boy's staying with us. As much as I hate to admit it, they'd especially hate it if that boy was you. Give them some time- I know that I can get them to come around, okay?" Naruto nodded, smiling his thankfullness to the pink-haired girl.

"Thank you."

"I'll never be too busy to see my favorite troublemaker- stop by, okay? I'll try to see you when I have some free time." Tsuande said. She smiled, tears threatening to fall in her eyes again as she looked into Naruto's eyes. "You remind me so much of my little brother... never forget that, okay?" Naruto nodded, his eyes moistening at her words.

"Never scare me like that again, got it? I was worried sick." Iruka said. "You are my family. Come and see me anytime you want to talk."

"But what if you have a class, or you have important paperwork, or it's the middle of the ni-?" Naruto asked.

"Anytime, Naruto."

"I'd be very disappointed in you if you did anything this stupid again. A ninja must always protect his comrades- those who don't are worse than trash. That's a rule of life- on and off duty." Kakashi said. Naruto nodded.

"Thank you."

"Let's go home now." Sasuke said, pulling out of the embrace but holding Naruto's hand. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah, let's go." One by one, the shinobi filed out of the Hokage's office, leaving only the Hokage herself. She smiled at the blond's retreating back.

'You really gave us all a scare, Naruto. But now, things are looking up for you.' Tsuande thought, before sitting down to her mountain of paperwork. 


	5. Move On

3 Days Later

"Sakura-chan?" a feminine voice asked the pink-haired girl as she sat down at a small table in a cafe. Sakura looked up.

"Ino! What are you doing here?"

"I'm..." her eyes darted around, as if afraid someone would hear her. She sat down, opening her mouth, but nothing seemed to coem out. Sakura knew instantly what she was trying to say.

"On a date? With who?" Sakura asked, smiling. Ino blushed, which was very unusual for the platinum blond girl.

"...Shikamaru." Sakura's eyes widened.

"He finally asked you? Congratulations!" Ino glared at her.

"Yes he did. So? I'm still waiting for Sasuke-kun!" Ino declared proudly. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Don't lie- you've liked Shikamaru ever since the chuunin exams. Your declarations of love for Sasuke-kun slowed and then stopped. Took me a while to figure it out, but you kept on glancing at Shikamaru that way... and anyways, you'd have a very long wait for Sasuke-kun." Ino looked at her, shocked.

"What? He's taken?" Sakura nodded. "Who?"

Sakura shook her head.

"That's for him to say." Ino looked at her, eyes going a bit soft in sympathy.

"You must be so bummed about it. I feel sorry for the rest of Sasuke-kun's fangirls." Sakura took on a thoughtful look.

"Not really. I think I always knew that Sasuke-kun belonged to someone else, and I kind of like another person... he's sweet and kind, and very strong. He's a little overenthusiastic, but..." Ino took a crafty look, one that just screamed 'payback time!'.

"Don't tell me- Rock Lee?" Sakura looked away, but you could see how red her face was.

"...No." Ino looked at her, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, right. Just like I don't have the hots for Shikamaru." Sakura jerked her head back around.

"You have the hots for Shikamaru?" Ino smirked. 'Victory!'

"You just admitted that you like Rock Lee." Sakura blanched, then blushed.

"Maybe a little. Well, yeah. I mean, it's not like I would say no if he asked me out again..." The normally eloquent girl seemed a bit tongue-tied.

"That means you like him." Ino suddenly glanced up.

'Was that a flash of... green?' Smirking, Ino realized it was.

"Lee! Come over here!" Sakura nearly jumped at the mention of Lee's name. She looked over her shoulder to see the green bodysuit-clad jonin walk towards them, a smile on his face.

"What are you doing!" she hissed at Ino, face flaming.

"Giving you an opportunity." Ino stood as Lee approached. "Hello Lee. Sakura wanted some company and I'm on a date. Gotta go!" She left, smirking. Sakura put her hands on the table, wanting to bury her flaming face in her arms.

"Sakura-san! It's so good to see you again!" Lee said, taking the seat across from her. She smiled.

"Hello Lee. It's good to see you too." The conversation died. Sakura was so unsure of what to say, so she just looked at her lap, not wanting to stare him in the face.

"Sakura-san? Is something wrong? I will fix it for you!" Lee declared, grabbing her hands. Sakura almost jumped, looking up.

"Uh... nothing's wrong, it's just that, well..." Lee stared in her eyes intently, hanging onto her every word. "Everyone I know is dating someone or has a boyfriend, so I feel kinda left out." Lee's eyes sparkled with happiness.

"I'm not dating anyone, Sakura-san! You could date me!" he said, smiling. She smiled back, and Lee thought that he had died and gone to heaven.

"I'd like that very much, Lee."

10 Years Later

"Now class, we should spend our first day getting to know each other and each others families. A shinobi needs to know who his team members are to be successful." Iruka said, standing in front of the class. He smiled at his own daughter, a lovely girl adopted by himself and his lover. She gained confidence from his presence and raised her hand to go first.

"Milika- chan, go ahead." Iruka said, motioning for her to talk. She looked at her feet, but spoke loudly enough so that everyone could hear.

"I'm Hatake Milika. I like to jump rope and play tag with my daddies. I don't have a mom, but my dads love me very much. They adopted me and they say I was the best thing that ever happened to them." She sat down. Iruka glanced around the room, looking for someone else to offer.

"Come now, Milika-chan did it. Who else wants to go?" He saw a boy sleeping out of the corner of his eye. He lightly threw some chalk at the sleeper. The boy jumped, but was now awake.

"Could you tell us about yourself?" Iruka asked the platinum blond. He yawned but complied, standing.

"I'm Nara Makoto. I like to play Go with my dad. My mom likes to talk and boss my dad around." He sat back down, muttering something along the lines of 'This is bothersome'  
Not wanting to be shown up, another boy with a very high forehead and a bad bowl-cut raised his hand. Iruka called on him.

"I'm Lee Hoshi! I like to train with my dad and improve myself! I also like to help my mom with her chores, because men must always be polite to women!" That said, he sat down, looking very proud of himself. A quiet girl raised her hand, blushing.

"I'm Hyuuga Nyhaga. I like to play with my daddy's dog, Akamaru, and talk with my mommy." she sat down, blushing.

One by one, all the class went until one small boy was left. He seemed terribly bored with the whole thing, and already Iruka could see females gazes being drawn to the silent, dark-haired boy.

"And you are?" Iruka asked. The boy stood, sighing.

"I am Uchiha Hayate. I never met my mother, but my fathers take care of me and never mention her. Otou-sama says that he's glad that he's not the last of his clan anymore, and my other otou-sama loves to play with me. They teach me a lot of things and I want to improve myself and be as strong as them one day." Iruka smiled at the small boy as he sat down.

'I felt so sorry for Naruto when the agreement for one heir was signed with that one girl...' Iruka could never remember her name, he just knew that she had been a die-hard Sasuke fan and had offered to bear his child so that the Uchiha clan could continue. 'But I'm glad that Hayate is in my class. I know that Naruto and Sasuke love him very much.'

"Okay, now that we know a bit about each other, let's pick a partner and you can show me how well you throw a kunai."

Owari (For those confused about who the kids are, read the end of author's note)

Okay, that just popped into my head one day. Suicide doesn't always end in death- in fact, more often than not I think that the person trying to kill themself actually winds up in a hospital to tell the tale. I'm not saying that it's not a problem, because it is. Suicide is very real and very deadly. I have lost someone to suicide a few years ago, so I just wanted Naruto to come out all right in the end.

Just FYI. the feelings that Naruto had are not uncommon. The person I lost wrote it down in his note, how he felt. (I also was given his diary in his will, so I know. I think he wanted me to know) He hed felt worthless because his younger brother (they were twins and in the same grade, but he was a bit older) always got better grades, was seemingly doted on more, and had more friends. He felt very alone, and was always trying to help people with a smile on his face. That's how I always remember him, smiling at me. I never knew that he cut himself or that he hated himself for what he had become until it was too late. I found his note in my locker at school and was minutes later told that he had died.

If you think that someone is acting odd, then just ask them about it. Watch for them giving away their possessions (my friend had written out a will that left everyone he considered a friend with something. That made for about two people, not including his family.) Or being happy and relaxed after a period of sadness. Check and make sure that s/he isn't thinking constantly about death- a tip-off is if they joke about killing themselves often.

I miss my friend very much, and I wanted to make Naruto have a bit better luck with his love life. I couldn't imagine him being with anyone else but Sasuke, so I just made is same-sex love instead of writing it out exactly like it happened between him and I.

Just for those that didn't know whose kids they were in the end, I had:

Hatake Milika- Iruka and Kakashi's adopted kid. (2 men do not equal a baby)

Nara Makoto- Shikamaru and Ino's child. (Ino's hair, Shikamaru's mannerisms and last name. Ino and Shika-chan got married, and I might make it into a one-shot if I get requests)

Lee Hoshi- Sakura and Lee's child. (Her forehead and Lee's mannerisms and bad haircut. Last name as well- they got married!)

Hyuuga Nyhaga- Hinata and Kiba's kid. I didn't mention them, but I thought I may as well have their kid in here. (She's like her mother, and she mentions Kiba's dog. You had to think a bit.) Anyways, her last name is Hyuuga because she is part of the Hyuuga clan- ordinarily it would be Kiba's last name, but as Hinata is the head of the Hyuuga clan he joins her family.

Uchiha Hayate- I had to give Sasuke a kid too. Uchiha bloodline has to continue, so he couldn't be adopted, nad two boys don't make a baby. So, he had to sign an agreement with one of his die-hard fangirls so that the bloodline could continue. Naruto wanted a kid too, but it still hurt to know that Sasuke was with someone else. Ah, well, they love the kid and Hayate will just have to get himself a nice wife and continue the bloodline. I may make a sequel in which the kids grow up and interesting... things happen. (I have a few ideas, some of which involve a new Hokage, Orochimaru back to body-snatch, a little bit of love, and other stuff.)

I'll write a one-shot involving any of the above pairings if you send a request. Write in in the Reviews or e-mail me at; 


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